So from my own research I can definitely say I fall under the 'Gifted' category (although there seems to be a debate as to what gifted really means). What I mean when I say gifted is that I was far ahead of others in development as a child and this has had a lasting effect on me as an adult. I've been reading quite a bit about gifted adults and what kinds of problems arise. The emotional issues have been my first and foremost interest because I have an issue with depression, anxiety, self-confidence, so on and so forth. So what do I find but a very interesting article about the fact that gifted people often have existential depression. Not quite sure what to say to it other than, yeah... I know that problem.
I feel like I'm in chains most of the time. I want to live. I want to laugh and love and care. Be cared for (and I am to many extents). I'm not sure exactly what I'm waiting for or if there even is something I'm waiting for. I don't know how to just pick myself up and deal with it or if I'm capable. All I need to do is make one step at a time and I can get to where I want, yet almost constantly I feel anxiety. It constricts my heart, gives me pain, of course it's the worst when I'm actually trying to do the things that will get me to where I want to go.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Very early...
Too early. I should be sleeping, but as you can see I am not. This has been a stressful week thanks to yours truly, me.
I am messed up and I don't know how to unmess myself. *Sigh* I have this problem of pretty much expecting myself to fail, bad habit, never get into it if you can help it. That habit leads to a debilitating fear. The fact that I know what is hurting me has not helped...I want to change and yet I think that it is going to take a very long time to change. Is it a bad thing that I think that or is it just realistic? What do I do with myself in the meantime? I need to find a way of looking at my days and life positively.
I suffer from the too much and not enough thought process. This process being I am too much of a bother for people and I am not good enough to them.
So many things in my heart need to be fixed and I don't know where to start... I don't know if I've ever said truer.
So I just asked Susan "Where do you find confidence and how do you fight fear?" Her answer paraphrased was, "Fear and confidence are often connected and what you do is to take things in small steps." (This is very paraphrased, but is the essence of what she said)
Hmmm... how to take small steps? I suppose I will need to think on it.
I am messed up and I don't know how to unmess myself. *Sigh* I have this problem of pretty much expecting myself to fail, bad habit, never get into it if you can help it. That habit leads to a debilitating fear. The fact that I know what is hurting me has not helped...I want to change and yet I think that it is going to take a very long time to change. Is it a bad thing that I think that or is it just realistic? What do I do with myself in the meantime? I need to find a way of looking at my days and life positively.
I suffer from the too much and not enough thought process. This process being I am too much of a bother for people and I am not good enough to them.
So many things in my heart need to be fixed and I don't know where to start... I don't know if I've ever said truer.
So I just asked Susan "Where do you find confidence and how do you fight fear?" Her answer paraphrased was, "Fear and confidence are often connected and what you do is to take things in small steps." (This is very paraphrased, but is the essence of what she said)
Hmmm... how to take small steps? I suppose I will need to think on it.
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