New Days...

So had intended to play videogames this evening to clear my head (was not a good day) and didn't get past checking facebook. ^_^ I wonder how many times that's happened for everyone else.
Unlike my usual I left the chat on so people could see me. Talked to a friend and then to my aunt. We talked for a while... it was nice. Found out that my Dad and Babe had another accident last year (both had broken bones, but they've mended since) and that they visited last summer. Sounded like it went well, apparently my Dad and Uncle ended up meeting old friends at a restaurant.
My aunt and uncle want to meet me for dinner sometime which is awesome... and will probably be awkward and uncomfortable for me. I don't know what they're going through or what they're thinking, though they're clearly worried. I do appreciate that, it's just, hmmm... they are offering support, which I also appreciate. Yes I know there are too many buts, but I REALLY don't trust well, even those who are closest. *sigh* I feel bad for feeling like that, but everything in my life has told me it's not good to trust, and since dealing with the worst of myself that message still hasn't changed. Bad juju... just, bad juju.
So a few more thoughts, I am not reliable as a friend, I hate myself for it, but it's true. Most of the time I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. My life isn't even that bad and I still feel that way. Maybe I need different meds, but I really don't want to play Russian roulette again. It's not like the ones I have don't work, because they do. I just have the bad habit of after a week doing great at taking my pills I invariably (<--maybe I should change the word) miss some of them and have to start all over again. I wish there was a depression pill that all I had to do was take it monthly. So still frustrated, not so bitter, even a bit hopeful... I can't help but think I'm nuts.

I Don't Like This...

So I am applying for a job in Alaska for a temporary job at a fish cannery. The application is online. I can't think and all of a sudden and I don't care. Yet I do. I want to at least fill out something as simple as a stupid application, but I feel like I've given up already. >_< I am struggling with the description of my job duties... Part of it may be that I am not the only one pushing myself to fill it it out. But now I want nothing to do with anybody and I want to go disappear. It is VERY frustrating to deal with this right now.

I've kept one promise...

The fact that I would post only when I wanted to. So no I haven't forgotten this exists, I just haven't felt like writing anything. So good news this term, I have more hours at work. The bad news, I have more hours at work. ^_^ Not really I'm very happy working more. It means I can save more money, though... I should still look for a job. One possibility is going to Alaska to work in a cannery. 'Tis tempting in a masochistic sort of way. I'd be making minimum wage, but with overtime and nowhere to spend the money I make. Who knows, I might end up working over summer at LCC. -_- So I was supposed to work on my resume... I've done a little. I really still have no idea how to write it. I can format it as pretty or neatly as you please, but when it comes to describing skills I have or job explanations I'm completely stumped. Maybe I should get someone to tell me I can't do it (and mean it), that sort of thing seems to be something that lights a fire under my butt. Hopefully my counselor (she asked me to work on it in the first place) might have some ways to... liven up my descriptions. Maybe it's because I haven't found anything that doesn't tax me to no end and stress me out. *shrug* Well, it was my bedtime an hour ago, so anyone who does and everyone that doesn't read my blog God bless.